I had the fortune to invest one month in an
intensive yoga teacher training course (TTC) at Sivananda ashram in the Bahamas.
I was already a certified yoga teacher following my completion of Ashtanga-based training in Chicago three years ago. Teaching yoga never became my profession, but the training gave me a powerful glimpse into mind behavior and triggered a series of life changes.
I had collectively spent about five months across a few Sivananda locations, including three months doing Karma Yoga at this ashram in early 2018. This place had become my favorite spiritual destination with its lush tropical campus, translucent Caribbean ocean, and a group of amazing resident teachers. Sivananda’s physical yoga sequence also had tremendous impact on my body – my spine actually bends now!
I had returned to the workforce in September 2018, and February seemed like a good time for a pause, not to mention optimal time to trade in Chicago winter. It was also my birthday month, and I could not think of a better birthday gift for myself. Once all those factors lined up, it was an easy decision. Also proved to be a good one!
The way to a yogic lifeBeach Yoga Platform primarily used for guest classesNature had many inspiring gifts for us
What makes Sivananda TTC so unique?
Sivananda TTC was much different from the yoga teacher training I did part time at a local studio while working full time. Both qualified for 200-hour Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT) certification by Yoga Alliance. The one I had done met weekly and on alternating weekends over the course of five months. Daily yoga practice was encouraged but often overshadowed by demands of everyday life. I was brand new to yoga philosophy and other aspects of yoga, and it was exactly what I needed at the time.
In contrast, at Sivananda TTC, you lived a yogic life 24/7 in an ashram environment for a whole month. That meant immersing in yogic community, eating vegetarian meals, and enjoying open air and clean surrounding in rich nature, with little contact with the modern world. There was no separation of school life vs. home life. This was an ideal setup for transformation.
Sivananda TTC began with an inauguration ceremony and ended with a graduation ceremony, which were celebrated by the whole ashram. The resident priest performed auspicious rituals to bless us during the ceremonies. We were provided two pairs of uniforms, consisting of bright yellow T-shirt (color to stimulate learning) and white pants, which made us easy to spot. Our main lectures were held in a temple. We were supported by countless blessings.
Unlike a standard teacher training that revolves around one main teacher, we had FIVE teachers covering respective areas (physical yoga, philosophy, scripture study, meditation & chanting, and anatomy). Four of the teachers were permanent staffs who were basically monks. They lived and breathed the yogic life, and the quality of their teachings was outstanding.
A significant side benefit of Sivananda TTC was the bond you built with your classmates. Our class of nearly 40 students consisted of diverse backgrounds and ages from all over the world. Though the hectic schedule limited social time, we lived together in the greater ashram community and shared profound experience day in and day out. In the end, we merged into one big family.
With prices starting at US$2,400 (tent
living) and including accommodation and all meals, it was not a bad deal at
all.
Main lectures were held in a templeThe one posture class we had on the beach platformOur graduation ceremony included surprise performance by a classmate – legendary Bahamian jazz singer Paul Hanna
The TTC Program
The core mission of
Sivananda TTC is to train future leaders of humanity and peace warriors.
The program was expansive and included much yoga philosophy in addition to
physical yoga exercise. We also learned chanting, anatomy, and physical
purification to help elevate our overall well-being.
The training schedule was probably the
hardest aspect of the program for many. The day started with a wake-up bell at
5:30am to prepare for morning Satsang (meditation, chant,
and lecture) and ended around 10pm with evening Satsang.
Daytime was nonstop lectures and classes one after another. We did get a
one-hour break in the afternoon (efficient classmates squeezed in beach time) and
another break either in the morning or evening for homework and shower. We also
got one day off of classes every week, which was a huge bonus even though much
was spent studying and catching up on sleep.
The program was open to anyone including
beginners. In essence, if we could keep
up with the schedule, show up to classes and do daily homework, we were bound
to succeed.
I commend all those
who came to take TTC without prior ashram experience (the majority) for their
courage to plunge into the unknown. In
India, yoga was traditionally taught by living with a teacher for 12
years. This program had compressed it into a month. It must have
felt overwhelming to many and there were lots of tears. But it was
remarkable to see my classmates persevere, live up to the challenge, and come
out transformed.
Krishna Das workshop was part of our mandatory classes!A spontaneous circle formed at our last dinner
My experience
I was used to the ashram schedule from my karma yoga days and thoroughly enjoyed 5 hours of lectures and teaching classes instead of working. The well-developed curriculum allowed me to go much deeper in yoga philosophy. I also gained new appreciation for the power of a lineage, which was once a foreign concept to me. It was through those individual teachers that the knowledge had been passed on in an unbroken string for thousands of years.
Even though I had been
practicing Sivananda yoga daily for a year, I was pleasantly surprised to learn
many new variations. Each time enforced beginner mentality as I tried to put the
body in a new way. And on rare occasions when it succeeded, it was like finding
a hidden talent in my body.
As a TTC student, we
were also given an opportunity to receive a mantra and a spiritual Sanskrit
name with the support and blessing from the lineage. I did
both.
The name given to me was rather a strange sounding one: Daya Devi. Daya means compassion and Devi means goddess. So goddess of compassion?? Hmmm… Honestly, it does not quite resonate with me at the moment.
But I have full faith
it will unravel over time and may even make sense at some point. That is
pretty much how my life has been the past two years. I have experienced
the magic of letting a path unfold time and time again, even as I got back to
doing financial work, which might seem far from spirituality. I have
finally come to feel comfortable with not knowing and simply trusting, which
itself is a blessing.
So for now, I can focus on enjoying the
benefits of the training, applying them in day to day life, and do my added job
as a certified peace warrior. I look
forward to finding out what my new name actually means one day.
May all beings live in peace and harmony.
Daya Devi
Link to Sivananda Ashram Bahamas Teacher Training: https://www.sivanandabahamas.org/visiting-the-ashram/yoga-teacher-trainings/
What does ‘life victory’ look like for you? When I was told by a priest that I would have a ‘life victory’ this June/July, I had no idea what that meant. It sounded nice for sure but lacked familiarity.
This is what mine looked like, along with its glorious challenges.
Returning to the Worldly World
Upon returning to my home base in Chicago in May, I found myself in a peculiar position: I had zero future plans. Not even to continue to travel the world. I had already gone over my designated 1-year time off after leaving the familiar working world behind, and it was time to reintegrate.
I wanted to go back to work and contribute to the society. I also needed to move out of my apartment by the end of the summer before lease expiration. But I had no (paying) job leads and no family to claim and didn’t know where to begin.
Chicago
To Plan or Not to Plan
I had two options:
Option #1: Make plans, figure out where to live and look for a job.
Option #2: Don’t make any plans, stay put, and let things unfold.
Being action oriented and workaholic by nature, I followed #1. My heart called for mountains, which Chicago was missing. So my mind began constructing logical steps to look for an ideal mountain town.
But I didn’t have any particular leads and had no idea what kind of job I would be able to find, which would allow me to continue my new daily practice. I was routinely spending first three hours of the morning practicing yoga and meditation, followed by leisurely preparing breakfast and eating in gratifying peace. This meant even when I woke up at 5:30am, I could not start working till 9:30am, assuming zero commute. I also cooked 2-3x a day to support proper yogic diet of fresh vegetarian meals. I had completely lost the ability to multi task. Who in the world is going to hire me with this kind of personal needs?
My mind could not solve the puzzle, and I realized I was back to mind-led planning. It didn’t work before. So I dropped all planning and switched to Option #2: wait for things to unfold.
For someone who is prone to structure and has a workaholic tendency, this was challenging and not very logical. It was one that required grave patience and faith. It was awkward to answer everyone’s favorite question, “What’s next?” – “I’m waiting for things to unfold.” “I’m bumming around a bit longer.”“I retired.” None of this was satisfactory to my ego.
But the practice was to embrace the present and accept the unknown. I needed to be at peace and happy today, not when I find a job. Feeling supported by the universe and staying open was critical, because when you feel separate and on your own, the tendency is to get defensive and close down. Easily said than done.
Meditation helps in undoing your artificial barriers by allowing you to connect with inherent inner peace and feel oneness with your surrounding. So I focused on my daily practice and worked on simplifying my lifestyle and shedding material stuff one by one. In the meantime, my cost of living dropped dramatically as old worldly habits fell away (e.g. drinking, eating out, buying stuff, etc.).
Fortunately, unfolding began in the most unexpected way, naturally and effortlessly.
New Home
Late spring is a beautiful season in Chicago anchored by ever shining Lake Michigan and with flowers blooming everywhere. I took up Japanese cultural activities like zen marshal art kendo (fencing), traditional dance bon odori, and even taiko drumming. They all helped emptying of the mind and ego reduction and came with supportive communities. I began to embrace life in Chicago, and this chipped away at desire to relocate. Staying in Chicago suddenly seemed more attractive.
In the beginning of the summer, I reunited with someone I had met in Chicago right before my world travel. We had each recently undergone transformation, which provided a solid foundation to build on. As dating progressed, our relationship flourished to the point he invited me to move in. I had found myself a new home.
My old Lincoln Park neighborhood in Chicago
Bon Odori festival at Midwest Buddhist Temple
Miyoga Kendo Club at Chicago’s Japan Culture Center
Work Situation
In May, I returned to Sivananda ashram in the Bahamas where I had spent three months earlier in the year. Since I had given up on trying to figure out my life, I was available to help out on a short-term project. Besides, I could not turn down the translucent Bahamian beach!
I left the ashram in the morning of a special birthday celebration of the spiritual director. At the airport, I ran into venerable Tibetan monk Tenzin Palmo who had apparently left the ashram around the same time. She recognized me from attending her lectures and extended her arms out to take in my hand. It was one of those magical moments that would stay with me. When you have a blank future, there is no better assurance that you are exactly where you are meant to be than to get blessed by Tenzin Palmo. The following day, I met my future work.
I had brought back what I viewed as homework from the ashram to check up on a prospect technology vendor on their behalf. I was blown away when I read about the company’s mission to help people connect with spirituality and support the global spiritual evolution. I was even more shocked when the company mentioned they had just started looking for help managing their finance.
Of course, they happened to be located in a beautiful mountain town (British Columbia!), the kind of place I was envisioning, except it’s probably even more beautiful. And the task was part time and remote flexible. Too good to be true?? But the textbook synchronicity told me this was happening.
What’s really fascinating about all this is that if I had pursued Option #1 and gone out on a tour of mountain towns looking for a job, I would not have had the time to volunteer and would have completely missed out on this opportunity. Sure I would have eventually found a meaningful job maybe at some non-profit organization. I may have struggled to keep up my daily practice from job demands, but my life would have been just fine. But by letting go of the desire to control the future and instead staying open and following services I was asked to provide, I was led to ideal work.
Once again, I am shown how the mind limits me, and the immense reward for overcoming the mind and its offspring like ego, desire, and fear. This is why I now strive to get out of my head and live from my heart. This is why I meditate every day.
Venerable Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
1.5 Years in Review
This all started when I had a moment of silence in my mind, when it occurred to me I needed to pause after 17 years of working in corporate finance. The job was taking over my identity, and I needed to see who I was without a job, paycheck, or title. Luckily I had the financial security to take the plunge into the unknown.
The original plan was to take a year off and travel to places I had dreamed of and go deeper in yoga. The first thing I happened to do was to sign up for a 10-day silent meditation called Vipassana for January 2017. I now view my life as before and after Vipassana. This is where I met myself as a complete harmonious being. I naively felt that I had fully transformed and fulfilled the purpose of my time off. But as it turned out, it was only the beginning.
A month in holy Rishikesh, India in March helped me break down what it was that I experienced in Vipassana and what a spiritual path was like (very long). Revisiting my heritage through a spiritual mountain pilgrimage in Japan in April showed that spirituality was deeply engraved in my culture all this time.
Six weeks of volunteering in Kenya last fall was perhaps the most rewarding experience of oneness after breaking down the cultural barriers. I continue to receive abundant love from the group of disabled women whose business I helped expand, and they will forever be my family.
I had many memorable hikes from New Zealand to Canada, but Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania was the most challenging by far and equally rewarding with its outer-space like experience.
Sivananda ashram in the Bahamas allowed me to experience authentic community living and immerse in yogic way through 3-month karma yoga program. Karma yoga is a process of purification by offering of service without expecting anything in return and seeing divinity in everyone you serve. I learned to maintain inner peace in the face of challenges and to consciously relax physically, emotionally, and mentally (very useful skills!). This was also where I had the most visible physical transformation with daily Hatha Yoga classes, growing stronger and more flexible.
Lastly..
In May 2018, I went back to Vipassana for another 10 days of silent meditation. During the retreat, I had the surreal experience that my body was made up of little vibrating things. As far as I could tell, that was all there was, just mass of bubbles. Yet all my life, my ego had me working hard to try to become someone..
Where was the ‘stiff’ yogi? It was all in my head! Now that I know better, I can experience profound freedom and joy that comes from being released from bondage to self identity. And having that experience daily through meditation is a real life victory to me.
I am very excited for the next chapter in my life and am grateful for all that helped me get to this point. I hope to keep on sharing my journey on this blog, but please do not expect ‘happily ever after’. The practice is to be happy now, in the face of all the worldly challenges.
May we all have magical life victories to share and inspire.
Om.
The time off was so worth it! (Sivananda Yoga Retreat in the Bahamas)
I just completed a 3-month Karma Yoga program at an unlikely spiritual destination: the Bahamas. Located in Paradise Island, this extraordinary ashram shared the same stretch of beach as a massive 5-star resort (Atlantis) on one side and encircled by cruise ships on the other. Yet it maintained itself as a spiritual sanctuary and training ground for peace warriors.
The ashram had more luxurious aspects than any others I’ve stayed in and catered to vacationers and spiritual seekers alike. Lodging options ranged from camping to beachfront air-conditioned rooms. There were karma yogis, students in teacher training program and other courses, vacationing guests, and resident spiritual masters, making up a dynamic community.
My first Sivananda experience was in Quebec, Canada last summer (See https://www.stiffyogi.com/2017/08/27/sivananda/). The Bahamas ashram had some serious advantages: a long stretch of pristine white sand beach, lush gardens with rich flora, more elaborate food options, and a variety of special guests giving lectures and concerts.
Some of my memorable evenings included Krishna Das concert, Ayuvedic symposium, “The Seer and The Seen” lectures by a spiritual master, science of sleep, Pangu Qigong, Passover dinner, and classical Indian music festival. I also got a reading by the venerable resident priest, who pinpointed where I am in life and provided insights on where I am headed (was well worth $54!).
Quick dip in the ocean made all the difference!
Vision: Unity in Diversity
Krishna Das concert
Easter sunrise over a neighboring resort
Karma Yoga
The Karma Yoga program here is highly structured and much more rigorous than the one I did in Canada. This program is free if you stay for full 3 months, including food (you may end up cooking for everyone) & accommodation (bring your own tent). You can also take any of their numerous workshops and core ‘essential’ courses if schedule allows.
Karma yogis here work 6-7 hours per day and participate in 6 hours of mandatory activities daily, including a 2-hour yoga class. That doesn’t leave you with a lot of beach time. You learn to prioritize and measure time by minutes. If someone asks for time, you give the exact time (“It’s 6:54”, not “almost 7”).
Karma Yoga is yoga of action. You learn to purify your heart by detaching from the fruit of your actions and seeing divinity in everyone you serve. That means you work selflessly without any expectations for gains (especially ego-feeding complements). This cultivates equanimity and inner peace and prepares you for meditation.
One of the temples where ceremonies are performed
My Experience
A fellow karma yogi thought she was watching me go through a cleaning cycle in a washer. That pretty much summed up my karma yoga experience.
The good news is that I made it out of the washer in one piece, cleaner, stronger, and more elastic. And I even had fun and made many new friends along the way.
There is a variety of jobs you can be assigned to in helping the ashram operate. It is not uncommon to have one job the whole time. I went through five. (I would like to know what I did in my past lives to have such karma..)
My jobs ranged from kitchen and HR to drawing flowers, translating teacher training classes (into Japanese), and scrubbing ceilings. Every job came with its own joy and challenges, and there was equally strong supportive force from official and unofficial teachers.
Some of my most valuable lessons came in a form of physical injuries.
It started with an itch. I had an allergic reaction to insect bites, and before I knew, my forearm had swollen up. Ok, let’s not get the small things disturb my inner harmony.
Then I sliced off a chunk of my fingernail in the kitchen. It wasn’t until I was told to sit and rest I noticed my breath was only reaching the shoulders. My mind had apparently prioritized the job of chopping herbs over taking care of the wound and neglected to send me the pain signal. It took me good 10-15 minutes to regain full abdominal breathing and get my body out of the distress mode. So I needed to slow down and re-prioritize my mind. Moving on.
Within a week, I lifted a lid off of boiling oatmeal and got hit by a burst of steam in my right forearm. This one hurt a bit, but the extent of the damage didn’t become apparent until a few days later when blisters began forming. Even though the pain was largely gone by then, the blisters brought out distressed emotions, and I couldn’t help but to ponder why I was under attack by onslaught of injuries.
I was lucky I happened to have a dialogue with a fellow karma yogi who interpreted the symbolism of the accident (right side: masculine, arm: grasp, and ‘It’s a burn’). I immediately understood it was from my desire to control the outcome (attachment to delivering a perfect job in the end, instead of just doing the job). At the ashram, they teach you how attachment grows into desire, which can turn into irritation, anger, delusion, and ultimately self-destruction. Unless I learn to let go and focus on just performing the action, I will eventually burn from the inside.
This insight would help me flow through the rest of my stay with much more ease. My scar also garnered much love and help from everyone around and healed rapidly. It was not a coincidence that the scar shaped itself into a bright red heart, which eventually broke open from the center. Only a faint outline remains now as a reminder. Where else can you get a steam burn that turn into a heart tattoo?
Not to brag, but this is the most beautiful scar I’ve ever seen!
Yoga Classes & Deep Relaxation
As I practiced Sivananda’s yoga daily for 3 months straight, I received many complements on how fresh and rejuvenated I looked. I attribute this to the emphasis on deep relaxation in Sivananda’s yoga.
Their yoga is classical Hatha yoga (hold each post for a long time). Classes may sound long at nearly 2 hours, but I never wondered how much time is left. They make you rest in-between poses, which may seem like a waste of time but really works magic by allowing your body to absorb benefits of the poses. They follow the same sequence, but somehow it never gets old and you end up going deeper.
The result: you feel completely rested and rejuvenated from within (more restorative than any passive restorative/yin yoga classes I have ever taken).
The ashram has many gifted yoga teachers, but Swami Shambu was a standout. He carried a calm yet commanding presence, stroke a perfect balance between effort and ease, and offered timely reminder to relax and smile. He spoke no wasted words. His gentle adjustments overflowed with kindness and revealed new limits for my physical body.
After 3 months, I am noticeably more flexible AND stronger and finally have somewhat of a backbend. They say you are as young as your spine is flexible. So I must have grown younger!
Feeling much more open! (Photography by talented karma yogi photographer Yashoda – http://www.yashoda.info)
In summary, this place may be tiny compared to the surrounding 5-star resort hotel and cruise ships. But they can have a towering effect on you if you allow them to help you peel off layers and find your inner peace. That is priceless!
Thank you so much for reading my blog and letting me share my experience with you. May you all find your inner sanctuary.
Link to Sivananda Ashram Bahamas: https://www.sivanandabahamas.org/
I just returned from a month at Sivananda Yoga Camp, an ashram located about an hour outside Montreal, Canada. Sivananda is a highly regarded yoga school and one of the first to become popular in the west. Yoga Camp serves as its international headquarters, and its expansive campus is nestled in the lush green Laurentian Mountains of Val Morin, complete with a hilltop temple.
My stay consisted of 20 days of Karma Yoga service and 10 days of Ayuverda and Wellness counselor course. My experience was intense and richly rewarding, packed with activities and loaded with first time experiences. I could not think of a better way to study myself.
Every day was a story – new people, new challenges, and new discoveries. I am all about getting out of comfort zone and undoing my past habitual mind patterns these days, and Sivananda gave me that and much more in a safe supportive spiritual community.
Everything was constantly changing, from weather (expect all weather types daily) to people (constantly making and parting with new friends). Letting go of control and surrendering was the way to go.
I feel very lucky to have come across this sacred place and am grateful for all the people I connected with that made the experience extra special.
Sivananda Yoga Camp (Val Morin, Canada)
Daily walk to my tent
Idyllic countryside outside the ashram
Ashram Life – Immersing in yogic community
Sivananda reminded me of the spiritual community I encountered in Rishikesh India earlier this year (click here for the post). It attracted a diverse group of people from all over the world, including many repeat travelers and students of Sivananda Teacher Training Course.
The ashram followed a rigid schedule, starting with a 5:30am wakeup bell and ending with evening Satsang (meditation, chanting and lecture) at around 9:30pm, with various activities throughout the day. Two vegetarian meals were served daily at 10am and 6pm. Everyone contributed to the upkeeping of the ashram, including vacation guests who were required to contribute service for an hour each day.
I learned to simplify my routine and maximize efficiency. When that still produced little free time, I began compartmentalizing time differently. I went from thinking “I have no free time” to “this is how I choose to spend my time”. This was my conscious choice after all, and a great one.
Satsang gathering in Yoga Hall
Silent morning walk to nearby lake
Karma Yoga – Disconnecting with self
There is no ‘I’ in Karma Yoga. Karma Yoga is a method of self purification by providing selfless service without expecting any gains. Everyone at the camp contributed at least an hour a day to Karma Yoga service. I had specifically signed up to stay as a Karma Yogi for 20 days, which meant ~4 hours of training to surrender every day (also referred to as ‘work study’).
It was akin to showing up to a day labor in that I didn’t know what my task was gong to be until each morning. Surprisingly, I did not get a single desk job, which would have resembled my old finance job. Instead, I was assigned to various standing tasks ranging from cooking, sweeping, cleaning, and folding laundry to plain physical labor (clearing dead branches, digging a ditch, and moving rocks).
Every task was a new experience for me, repeatedly enforcing beginner’s mentality and ego reduction. I noticed that working with hands and feet helped me connect to the earth and awaken my senses. There was a mindful aspect to every job, and it seemed that almost anything could be turned into a meditative experience.
No person was too important. It was humbling to witness a spiritual leader go from giving inspirational talks on the stage to doing physical labor. Every job was a team effort, and bonding with other karma yogis was the best part.
My favorite was cooking dinner for 150-200 people with three others in an industrial kitchen where I learned new recipes. But the moment I got comfortable and ‘attachment’ started developing, I was switched to another role.
Eggplant Lesson – Letting go of control
We worked with ~40 silent eggplants one evening. The goal was to create roasted eggplant salad shelled in eggplant skin for ~160 people.
The process went something like this: halve eggplants vertically, insert a few lines with a knife tip, cook in the oven, scoop out the inside without breaking the skin, make eggplant salad separately (mixed with other vegetables), put salad back into the skin (again without breaking the skin), and finally cut each further in half (without destroying the dish). I was skeptical when our talented chef exclaimed “Easy!”.
The process took almost 4 hours and required meticulous attention and infinite patience. I never knew how delicate eggplant skin could be, particularly the long skinny light purple kind. They expressed displeasure by breaking apart if I applied too much force. There was no shortcut, only patience and perseverance.
Serving with love
Sivananda Yoga – Finding comfort in discomfort
Sivananda’s yoga class consisted of a unique 2-hour sequence comprised of breathing exercise, Hatha yoga (think long holds) and Savasana corpse pose (laying still on the ground) in-between each pose. There was no music, except for the rhythmic tone of the teacher’s voice. Students practiced with eyes closed, concentrating and going internal. There was no mirror anywhere anyway.
What I loved about Sivananda’s yoga was its emphasis on relaxing into poses to releasing tensions. We were encouraged to find a sense of ease even in the most challenging poses and smile. The final Savasana followed a 3-step process to ensure complete relaxation. I found myself relaxed to the point of almost falling asleep at the end of every single class.
After four weeks of daily practice, there were major improvements in my strength, flexibility, and lung capacity. I also noticed a quieter mind and an ability to smile through discomfort.
Sun Saltation – Getting fed by the sun
Sun Saltation took on a whole new meaning for me after one class.
Sun Saltation (Surya Namaskar) was a gentle a warm-up and the most fluid portion of Sivananda yoga. I had the fortune to participate in a class taught by a traveling teacher who was once a direct disciple of Swami Vishnudevananta (1927-1993; brought Sivananda to the west).
During an outdoor class, the teacher had us rearrange mats for Sun Salutations so we were all facing the sun directly. As we flowed through the 12-pose sequence with eyes closed, he guided us through where the sunrays fed our body (chakras) and sang sun greeting mantra for the final few rounds. I found the effect to be so profound and invigorating, getting fully immersed in sun rays and harmonizing the external light with internal light.
Sivananda Yoga – my new favorite yoga style!
Headstand Lesson – Getting over the fear of falling
In Japan, there is a saying “if you fall seven times, get up eight times (7転8起). That’s exactly what I did in learning to stand on my head, quite literary.
Headstand was something I had occasionally tried to practice without wall but could never do for fear of falling. But it was part of Sivananda yoga’s sequence, and there was no avoiding it.
The key was discovering that falling out of balance was not a catastrophe. After all, my head was already on the ground, and I was not going to fall that far. Once I discovered that, I was well on my way to success with daily improvements, and rolling backwards even became somewhat amusing. The excitement of finally being able to go upside down without any assistance was unforgettable and well worth all the falls.
At last.. conquering the fear
(Note: Headstand requires proper technique. Do not attempt it by yourself without adequate guidance.)
Lodging – Minimizing
I lived out of a 1-person tent for my first 20 days while serving as a Karma Yogi. Prior to this, I had little camping experience as an adult (one overnight trip this summer, to be exact).
Though I was barely able to sit up in my tent, it contained everything I needed. I quickly got used to sleeping on the solid ground and feeling the support of the earth. Unzipping to the nature was a refreshing way to start a day at 5:30am. I learned to really appreciate dry weather after rainy days, and when I moved into a dorm for the Ayuverda course, I had new appreciation for a solid roof and shelves.
My shelter for 20 days
Ayuverda Course – Pursuit of healthy living
I was briefly introduced to Ayuverda during Ashtanga teacher training 2 years ago. Ayuverda is rooted in ancient Indian wisdom to live a long balanced happy life. It offers a holistic approach to staying healthy physically and psychologically, taking into account inherent body and energy type and psychological tendency, as well as lifestyle and diet.
The key is disease prevention, though it also encompasses treatment for a range of disorders. It goes hand in hand with yoga.
This 10-day introductory course provided a glimpse into an immense field and came with a good dose of practical applications in addition to theories. We studied nutritional and medical properties of food and spices, effects of food combinations, Ayuvedic cooking, detox program, self examination methods, and self massage techniques, etc.
The course ended with an Ayurveda and Yoga Wellness Counselor certification. But the real value for me was the tools I gained to devise a balanced diet and lifestyle suitable to my own physiological characteristics. Considering the importance of physical health and high cost of healthcare in the US, this was time and money very well spent.
Field trip to an enchanting herbal garden (calendula flowers at Clef des Champs Garden)
To the Sivananda Community
Thank you for the unforgettable experience and being a home away from home! Despite the noise of a city life I have returned to, I feel anchored and wholesome, with Sivananda lessons and spirit in tact.
My trip to India started with a sprint through the expansive Delhi airport to make a 1.5-hour connection that included obtaining visa on arrival (available for Japanese passport holders), clearing immigration and customs, picking up and rechecking a suitecase, lining up for domestic security check, and finally making my way through what seemed like an eternally-stretched path to the gate.
Luckily I got help from several random strangers, including an airport officer who sprinted with me part of the way after telling him I was a good runner, and a gate agent who did not give up on me even though all the shuttle buses to the plane had long left.
It was a miracle that I made the flight. Little did I know my entire India trip would be magical.
Patna waterfall, my favorite spot in Rishikesh
Trip Overview
When I booked this India trip several months ago, my plan was to take things easy and practice some yoga, specifically the physical aspect of yoga. I decided to spend 3 weeks in Rishikesh in March as it seemed to be the yoga and ashram Mecca of the world. I also tacked on a few extra days for brief sightseeing in Jaipur, Agra, and Delhi. I signed up for a 11-day Kriya Yoga training at a well-known ashram in advance but arrived with an otherwise open itinerary.
I went with an open mind, but what I got was well beyond my imagination. Yoga there was much more of a spiritual exercise and a way of life. I still went through with the yoga training program but came away with so much more. Every day brought fresh experiences and surprises, challenging and reshaping my perspectives multiple times over. It was intense, sweet, and exhilarating, all at the same time.
Devaprayag, where two rivers meet to form the Ganges river
Rishikesh
Rishikesh was a place like no other. Located in Northern India by the Himalayas, the whole town was infused with spiritual energy, attracting countless travelers from all over the world. There were numerous ashrams to choose from and no shortage of yoga classes in abundant variety. Everyone there seemed to be on some sort of a spiritual path. I went alone and hardly spent any time by myself as I kept on meeting one divine spirit after another.
The surrounding mountains and wild nature heightened the spirituality, and at its core was the divine Ganga river, which seemed to make everything flow ever so naturally. Thanks to its relatively cool climate (compared to the rest of India), fresh vegetables and fruits could be enjoyed at least in March.
Rishikesh came with a dose of first time experiences for me, inevitable part of breaking out of an old life pattern especially while traveling.
There were unique spiritual opportunities like Satsang (spiritual Q&A), ashram stays, Ganga bath, and sunset Ganga Aarti.
The most memorable events came spontaneously – being submerged in all colors during holi (a Hindu spring festival where people smudge colors all over you), cave meditation, Indian classical music concerts, astrology reading, visiting a mountain yogi, hitchhiking, and fasting.
Yet, the best part of my stay was seemingly random encounters ending in genuine connections. I have never met so many beautiful people of all ages and backgrounds in such a short period.
One of the two foot bridges over Ganga
Idyllic walk along Mother Ganga
Rishikesh backstreet
Even a cow couldn’t escape colors during holi festivities
Lush green surrounding Rishikesh towns
Monkey contemplating near Vashistha Cave
Ashram Stay
I stayed at 3 different ashrams over 3 weeks. Ashram was a perfect place to learn to let go of the old comfort and immerse in spirituality in a supportive community. It helped clarify what I really needed to be happy, and my definition of basic necessity kept evolving.
I had two pairs of outfits to wear for the 11 days of Kriya yoga training (required white loose top and bottom) and hand washed clothes daily. There were occasional cold showers when water heater didn’t work (minor inconvenience). When there was no towel, I used a T-shirt to dry myself (it worked). Fresh meals were available without having to consult a menu (you eat what they have). No makeup was warranted, and heels were out of question. Life became simple.
Ashrams I stayed:
Osho Gangadham (4 nights) – a gorgeous Osho ashram on Ganga. It is a small secluded campus providing a peaceful setting, and a stay includes Osho meditation classes (it was my first time and very unique). Also a great place to mingle with other spiritual travelers at a communal dining table.
Paramarth Niketan (2 weeks) – a large well-known ashram where I took Kriya Yoga training. It is expansive and runs various events and programs. Its daily evening Ganga Aarti draws a lot of tourists (and cameras).
Ved Niketan (2 nights) – a quiet traditional ashram with a pretty courtyard. I stayed in their most expensive room, which cost 400 rupees a night (~$6). They did not take reservations and I was lucky to get a room.
Osho Gangadham’s quaint campus on Ganga
Osho Gangadham
Paramarth Niketan ashram
Paramarth Niketan’s sunset Ganga Aarti ceremony
Offering to the divine Mother Ganga at Aarti
Ved Niketan ashram’s peaceful courtyard
International Yoga Festival and Kriya Yoga Training at Paramarth Niketan
I attended the last day of a week-long international yoga festival and a 11-day Kriya yoga training course at Paramarth Niketan.
The yoga festival was a major attraction for the town and drew well-known yoga teachers from all over the world. From the extensive class schedule, I was happy to try a sunrise music meditation class on Ganga (Nada Yoga) taught by a lovely vocalist Anandra George and two Kundalini yoga classes (second one was by mistake as it was listed as “power yoga”, not “authentic power” as was intended, but I ended up loving the class).
I was new to Kriya Yoga. The training included breathing exercises, gentle poses and mantra chanting in addition to Kriyas. Kriyas consisted of a series of unique mind exercises designed to clear chakras and help invoke Kundalini. For instance, you may be scanning and naming each chakra and moving head along in one round of breath while chanting, with eyes open (this threw me off the most), and repeating it up to 59 times. It was easy to lose track and run out of breath if your mind digressed.
Famous yogis gathered at Paramarth Niketan’s annual International Yoga Fest’s closing ceremony
My kriya yoga uniform – all white for minimal distraction
Mooji Satsang
One of the first things I heard of upon arriving in Rishikesh was satsang (lecture-style spiritual Q&A), and Mooji’s in particular. I didn’t know what a satsang was and had never heard of Mooji before. Rishikesh is a Satsang heaven, drawing many prominent spiritual leaders from worldwide. I attended satsang by several speakers, but Mooji stood out. He happened to be there the month I was.
At first I was taken aback by the spectacle at a Mooji satsang: a long line of mostly foreigners outside the gate, security check, a shoe line, then a massive hall where people kept pouring in. It was a large production with numerous volunteers directing the crowd. I was impressed how orderly the place was run and how silent the hall remained despite the crowd (a friend counted ~2,000 in one session).
Mooji volunteers added a special touch. Dressed in immaculate white outfit, they wore the warmest and most graceful expressions, even when telling me my purse was too big and needed to be checked. It was particularly touching to see those saint-like people use a hand gesture I have come to love: softly placing a right hand over heart, conveying a silent message along with eyes. Heaven must be filled with people like them.
It was easy to understand Mooji’s appeal. He has the most compassionate eyes and calmest demeanor, and speaks from his heart so gently in the most natural state. He discussed how your mind likes to define who you are and confine you to your self image. Your mind takes you anywhere but present. You are not your thoughts. (Click here for the video recording of the March 9 Satsang I saw.)
His messages reinforced what I learned from Vipassana (click here for my Vipassana post) about mind behavior and true self. As he spoke, I felt the trembling of emotions throughout the hall. It was incredible to witness someone unravel and enlighten.
At the end of my second Mooji satsang, I found myself standing in what was to become Mooji’s greeting path after the session. As the entire hall was dead silent, I didn’t even realize he was still there (I was watching him depart on a large screen), slowly making his way through a sea of worshippers.
Soon enough, Mooji emerged in front of me. There was no place to go other than into his arm for what was to become my most memorable group bear hug ever. As I thanked him, he whispered “wonderful, wonderful, wonderful”, “thank you, thank you, thank you”. I have no idea how I have become so lucky but will not take this for granted.
Mooji Satsang attracting a large crowd daily
Going vegetarian, then fasting
I eat everything, and that includes meat, poultry, and seafood. Furthermore, I love to eat in general – I grew up in Japan where utmost attention is paid to food. I may be big on vegetables but had never thought of becoming a vegetarian, let alone not eating. But not being a vegetarian was not an option in Rishikesh. There was no liquor in town either.
To start off, I wasn’t sure what and how much I could actually eat on the trip since getting food sick seemed to be common for westerners traveling in India. I also did not know what to expect from ashram food.
It was a pleasant surprise the first time I ate at Osho Gangdham. The self service dinner consisted of freshly prepared, simple yet well balanced warm Indian meal with a rich melody of flavors. It was absolutely delicious (and all you can eat!). I did not miss eating animal protein and maintained robust energy. I went on to enjoy mostly India dishes and fresh fruits and salads for the rest of my stay. That is, until a dreadful idea of fasting was suggested by a new yogic friend.
In traditional yoga, physical cleansing was a prerequisite before you were taught any poses. Accordingly, my friend suggested that I try physical cleansing. In fact, I was to prioritize it over the physical yoga and meditation, which would act as a mere polish for me. This came as a shock to me.
The rationale was simple. When all the built-up toxins are removed and a body is purified, it will also cleanse the mind naturally. If you are in an impure body, how can you expect your mind to be clear? Point taken.
I was introduced to a host of traditional yogic cleansing rituals. They were primitive but effective and required a serious investment of time, commitment, and lifestyle changes, however temporary. Some were more physically or psychologically challenging than others. Not eating was the simplest of them.
During the 5-day fast, I was allowed to eat unlimited amount of honey mixed with freshly squeezed lemon juice. As a first timer and someone with high metabolism, this translated into a lot of honey. Fortunately, the Kriya Yoga training I was undergoing did not require vigorous physical exercises.
Surprisingly I did not get as hungry. My energy level did drop initially but I started feeling noticeably better after 3 days. I felt content even when surrounded by meals for other people, and the only thing I felt like eating became fresh perfectly ripe fruits (especially papaya) and maybe a cucumber.
As the five-day period came to an end, I felt as light as a feather. I celebrated the successful completion with a delightful bowl of fresh fruits, which had never tasted so good. I have received much complements about my skin since fasting and cleansing, which turned out to be the cheapest facial ever.
Now that I can enjoy food again, I have become highly selective about what to put back into my system. I scrutinize every food label and listen to my body when it repels things like fried food. I love how I feel now and hope to maintain it clean.
Perfect place to cleanse and nourish from the inside
Brief sightseeing – Jaipur and Agra
I concluded the trip with brief sightseeing stops in Jaipur and Agra before flying out of New Delhi.
I liked Jaipur for its well preserved old town and beautiful architecture. A fresh lassi from Lassiwala tasted amazing after a recent fast. Thanks to my hyped up physical condition, I was able to power through the 105-degree heat (+40 C) happily. Coming from a $6-a-night ashram in Rishikesh, Pearl Palace (deluxe room at 1700 rupees, ~$25) was shockingly luxurious and super charming. It is popular so book in advance.
I could not have left the region without seeing Taj Mahal (an easy day trip on a 2-hour express train from Delhi). I took a 6-hour train in from Jaipur and stayed overnight in Agra. That put me at Taj Mahal at sunrise for the the least crowd and milder temperature.
Taj Mahal masked in soft early morning sunrays was absolutely glorious.
It marked a magnificent end to my phenomenal trip, which seemed to have gone by too quickly. The experiences there were so rich and powerful, I left feeling completely transformed. Though I have been in Japan for 3 weeks now, Rishikesh remains dear to my heart.
At the end of February, I caught a red eye from Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur, followed by a 5-hour flight to Kathmandu. In a confused state after having three breakfasts, I glanced over at the window and gasped. There rose majestic snow-capped Himalaya mountain range in the distance, seemingly at the same height as the plane. It’s sheer scale and transcending beauty were so powerful even from the distance. I knew right then that Nepal was going to be an unforgettable trip.
Best flight view ever! The Himalayas all along the way from Bhairahawa (near Lumbini) to Kathmandu
Trip Overview
I had originally meant my weeklong Nepal trip to be a hiking/yoga immersion experience. But after an exhilarating Vipassana silent meditation experience in January (click here for my Vipassana post), I altered the itinerary to include the sacred city Lumbini where Gotama Buddha was born, instead of the popular scenic lake town Pokhara.
Nepal was a culture shock for me. Even compared to Cambodia where I recently visited, its poverty appeared to be on another level, with barely functioning infrastructure. This was all made worse by the devastating earthquake in 2015, which killed nearly 9,000 people. The widespread damage from the earthquake was very visible in the Kathmandu area, with some of the landmark architecture remaining in crumble.
In Nepal, nothing could be taken for granted, including basic things like electricity and water. There were rocky dirt roads that I would have considered impassable by car. A handwritten seat number on a domestic flight ticket. Having to shout louder than others at an airport crew to get my suitcase at manual baggage claim. Having to hop on a moving bus after a bathroom stop (I wasn’t even the last one). Being directed to use a candle at a hotel when the power went out, as if it was the most natural thing (what’s the big deal?). Bathroom was the worst part of the trip, along with pollution, litter, and general dust.
Despite the scarcity of modern convenience, the country had an inexplicable appeal. Yes, there have the majestic Himalayas, which draw countless tourists from all over the world. But it was more the things you can’t see with eyes that touched my heart. Perhaps it was the kindest Nepalese people that always wanted to talk to you.. smiley women wearing bright lipsticks, slender men posing for selfies, and curious kids wanting to know where I was from. They seemed to be on a different schedule, with many just sitting around leisurely and staring down at passerby. Jobs seemed like a rare commodity. Religion is deeply integrated into the culture, and yet there was so much openness and acceptance. Every rundown truck was colorfully painted with Hindu gods, Buddha, and/or flowers.
In the ancient city of Bhaktapur, I hired a 32-year-old man who approached me near the ticket office and insisted on giving me a tour despite my apparent lack of interest. Like many Nepalese, he was a religious Hindu and visited temples daily, Hindu and Buddhist temples alike. We shared the same values: family, friends, love, integrity, etc. Despite his young age, he shunned frivolous spending on fashion by his sisters and believed in traditional values and morale principles. It didn’t take long to realize we were the same. This was one of my many fondly encounters with Nepalese people.
Later on, I learned he didn’t get a single tourist the day before and I was the only one for the day thus far (it was late morning). Though I had initially bargained down the tour price to under $4, I ended up paying him full $5 for the 2-hour tour. This was more than $4 he earned daily on average, or monthly income of ~$120, pretty good considering Nepal’s GDP per capita of $732 as of 2015 (i.e. average income of $61 per month) according to World Bank.
During my limited time in Nepal, I did not spot too many foreign tourists outside Kathmandu (perhaps they all went hiking), but many of the ones I met were repeat travelers. I now understand why.
Nepalese national flower rhododendron
Kathmandu
I spent 2 delightful nights at Kathmandu Guest House (https://ktmgh.com/kathmandu-guest-house/), a charming historic hotel with a large courtyard in the heart of the Thamel tourist district. I hired a driver through Good Vibe Adventure (www.goodvibeadventure.com) (was considerably cheaper than booking through the hotel) for a day tour that included the iconic Budhanath, Pashupatinath (Hindu temple), Durbar Square (the impressive heart of Kathmandu’s old town), and Swayambhunath (hilltop religious complex), all UNESCO World Heritage Sites.
My favorite was Swayambhunath, also known as Monkey Temple, where 365 steps take you to an ancient hilltop religious complex centered around a stupa, offering panoramic views of Kathmandu. I was intrigued to find both Buddhism and Hinduism intertwined, with Buddha statues, Hindu gods, shrines and monastery, signifying religious harmony. The stupa appeared to have survived the earthquake unscratched. Monkeys and colorful prayer flags adorn the complex.
A visit to Pashupatinath, the largest Hindu temple in Nepal, could not be had without deep emotions. Though non-Hindus are not allowed to enter the temple itself, on a nearby riverbank, I witnessed cleansing of a deceased woman wrapped in a bright orange body bag except for her face, in a customary proceeding before cremation. Her body was to be burned on a wooden set afterwards. She had most likely passed away that day and was surrounded by mourning family and friends. She seemed too young, possibly around my age (I am 39), and I felt pinned to the spot in sadness. There were more bodies waiting in line.
Basantapur Durbar Square in the heart of Kathmandu’s old town, the top of a pillar still toppled over from the 2015 earthquake
Budhanath, one of the world’s largest stupas
Charming buildings surrounding Boudhanath
Steps leading up to Swayambhunath (The Monkey Temple)
Encounter with sadu (holy person) at Pashupatinath. They offered me a blessing!
Kathmandu Guest House in Thamel, Kathmandu
Lumbini
It was an honor and a privilege to be able to come to the birthplace of Gautama Buddha. This was where it all began.
My sole intention was to pay utmost respect to the man who discovered something so extraordinary, attained enlightenment, and spread his teachings. I am grateful that the essence of his teachings has been passed along all this time and remain available to anyone who is interested in moving beyond the mundane world. To realize that I am not my (loud) mind, nor my (imperfect) body, and to be liberated from the boundaries my mind had long set for myself, has changed my entire perspective. This was not about religion. We all have bodies and minds.
The town itself revolves around Sacred Garden and its Maya Devi Temple, which houses some crumbled stones marking the birthplace of Gotama Buddha. The broader complex is expansive and includes various temples erected by different countries honoring Buddha’s birth. The city draws religious worshippers and pilgrims primarily from Asia. But outside Sacred Garden, the whole compound felt utterly deserted and quiet.
If you are just looking to do sightseeing, you do not need more than half a day to visit Sacred Garden and some of the foreign monasteries. But this is a place to be felt, rather than seen. Lumbini emanated the most peaceful air, and streams of worshippers heightened the reverence of the place. I was grateful to have two full days here for the spiritual experience unlike any other, albeit my brief history. I ended up visiting Sacred Garden twice daily to meditate and soak up the atmosphere.
Being Japanese, the one other temple on my list was the World Peace Pagoda (Japan Monastry). After admiring the lotus covered pond and visiting the main pagoda, I followed the sound of drums and found myself at a small temple with a few devotees inside. They were in the middle of an evening prayer, tirelessly chanting “Na Mu Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo” (from the Nichiren sect of Buddhism in Japan). The mantra translated into devoting oneself to Lotus Sutra.
After I sat on a floor cushion in the back, a monk walked over to hand me a thin hand drum and a stick. I naturally jumped on the opportunity to join the prayer. Emptying the mind and filling it with the endless prayer, I felt utterly lucky that I can fully comprehend and resonate with the sutra, giving the mind no choice but to be subdued.
The prayer continued onto a half-an-hour walk around the pagoda, frequently halted by bows in front of each religious symbol. I was sad to leave after the chanting walk (I needed to bike back on rocky roads before dark) but came away with a profound sense of inner peace and happiness, with “Na Mu Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo” long echoing in the mind.
Maya Davi Temple at sunset
World Peace Pagoda (Japan Monastery)
Countryside farms outside Kathmandu
Bhaktapur and Nagarkot
My last destination was Nagarkot, a hilltop farming village in Kathmandu Valley where I would stay for the last night.
Bhaktapur was well worth a stop along the way and a destination on its own (used to film parts of Little Buddha). Described as a cultural gem and an open museum, the medieval royal city was remarkably well preserved and pleasantly devoid of traffic. There were intricate wood carvings to be admired and traditional clay pottery making to be observed. A stroll among narrow back streets lined with faded red brick houses provided a glimpse of unchanging way of life. It was no coincident my guide was a traditionalist, shunning the modern world, particularly materialism.
On my last morning in Nepal, I jumped out of bed for the last chance to see the Himalayas from the ground on this trip. I chose to stay in Nagarkot (itself at 2,200 meter elevation, or 7,200 feet) overnight instead of doing a popular sunrise trek from Kathmandu so I can savor the view (hoping there was one!). My earlier attempts at Himalaya viewing from Kathmandu and its surrounding areas were unsuccessful due to the stubborn smog. I had heard repeat travelers talk about how they were not able to see the Himalayas on some of their previous trips because of unfavorable weather conditions. As I had begun pursuing a life of no expectations, I tried to ready myself for whatever outcome that was meant to happen. It was not like I had any power over weather anyway..
I felt uncertain when I first saw what looked like large clouds amassing above mountains in the dark. My excitement spiked when I realized they were indeed some massive mountains. On a hotel’s protruding terrace where the air was filled with anticipation by anxious guests, a silence prevailed as I watched the Himalayas emerge in a spectacular morning glory. Though Mr. Everest (8,848 meters, or 29,029 feet) could not be spotted, the 7,000-meter mountain range was mesmerizing and humbling, a sight never to be forgotten. I felt extremely lucky and grateful.
Bhaktapur, an ancient city in Kathmandu Valley
Bhaktapur street
Best swing view ever.. the Himalayas from Unkai Resort in Nagarkot
Travel tips
There was no need to fix itinerary in advance for travelling in February as you can book everything locally. I had a pleasant experience working with Kisan Thapa from Good Vibe Adventure (goodvibeadventure.com), who understood my intentions and got me good prices for guides and drivers. Besides, everyone seemed to have friends who can fulfill all your needs, from a last minute tour guide to 2-hour laundry service.
Allow extra time for in-country travel, from air and bus services (delays were common) to day trips (Kathmandu had serious traffics as of March 2017 partly due to water pipeline construction).
For my 260-km journey from Kathmandu to Lumbini, I took a bus one way to see the idyllic countryside (9 hours) and flew back for gorgeous Himalaya views (30 minutes). Finding the right bus was tricky (few English signs and every person we asked pointed to a different bus). I tipped my taxi driver to find me the right one.
Get a face mask as a smog protection. My disposable one turned dark after 2 days.
In my search for a driver, a “parking lot” turned out to be a street lined with cars, and a “big parking lot” was really a normal parking lot.
A “new bicycle” for rent meant a beaten down bike that was still somewhat functional (I first tried an “old” bike and could not get it to ride straight.)
Lower your hygiene expectations and carry your own tissues and hand sanitizers. “Bathroom” can mean anything.
I am writing this at the risk of sounding crazy, especially if you are like me until recently and have never heard of Vipassana before.
This is a long blog post, and I hope you have good 20 minutes to spare. Much like the program itself, it does not work if you quit in the middle (might even be more harmful). But the end result was amazingly insightful and blissful I feel obligated to share this.
The program overview
I call this a boot camp, not a retreat, because there was nothing relaxing or fun about it at least for a good portion. It was crazy intense, gruesome work and long hours (4am-9pm), physically demanding and mentally exacerbating.
It was taught by venerable Mr. S. N. Goenka, who spread the practice through various Vipassana centers around the world. The centers are run entirely by volunteers and free for all, including food and lodging (funded by donations), and open to anyone interested. No pervious meditation experience is necessary.
The Illinois Vipassana Center is located about 2 hours from Chicago in the middle of farmland. As a newbie, my only class option was a full 10-day course, which requires all students to stay in a dorm-style accommodation at the center. I signed up for this last November when it first opened for registration as it seemed to fill up quickly. My group included about 40 people of all ages, 50% men and 50% women.
Noble Silence (silence of body, speech, and mind) is required from the evening preceding Day 1 through the morning of Day 10. That means no talking, no eye contact, not even gestures. Men and women are to be separated during the program.
There is a rigid schedule, with one meditation session after another with brief breaks in-between. The day begins when a bell rings at 4am. Students sit and meditate for roughly 10 hours a day through 8 daily sessions, each lasting for 1-2 hours, from 4:30am till 9pm. Most sessions have varying amount of taped recordings played in the beginning and at the end.
Meditation is done either as a group in the dimly lit meditation hall where everyone has a pre-assigned seat, or solo in the dorm room (there are three mandatory daily group sessions).
Additionally, there is an hour of daily sitting for discourse, where Mr. Goenka breaks down what students are going through in videotaped recordings.
There is no dinner – only breakfast, lunch, and tea and fruit time in the evening. No outside food is permitted, and all students eat together in silence in the dining hall. There are only brief breaks after meals, but there is not much to do anyway, with no phone, TV, reading, writing, or exercising.
How the meditation works
I find this difficult to explain given the depth of the practice and as it is so outside my conventional common sense. Here is a much simplified version as I understand it.
Vipassana, an ancient Buddhist-style meditation method, aims at experiencing that everything is changing real time (starting with your own body) and changing the way you react to sensations by taking control of the mind.
Thinking about the past or the future is what brings out misery (re-experiencing unpleasant sensation) or craving (attachment to pleasant sensation you want to recur). The meditation trains you to observe the present and sharpen the mind.
As you feel from within how transient everything is, it becomes clear there is no point in holding onto any negative or positive sensations.
By not reacting to sensations, you train the mind to ‘detach’, changing the mind behavior at the subconscious level. No more aversion, and no more craving. This is called equanimous – a balanced mind, undisturbed by pleasant or unpleasant sensations, so you can see things as they truly are.
When detached from sensations, the mind has nothing to feed off of, and the old memory associated with those sensations starts to float up and dissipate. Hence you are released from the past agony or attachment to some idea for the future.
As you realize you cannot control the present sensations, ego is diminished as well.
And if you manage to reach the highest purest state, you are left with nothing but love and compassion.
As a novice, I am not fit to talk about the meditation technique itself. I trust there is plenty of information on Google, but to really understand, you have to experience it yourself.
Why did I do it?
Seated meditation was not something I had much interest in before. I am someone who likes to move, and my daily yoga practice served as my moving meditation.
Around the time I resigned my full time job, a few of my dear yoga teachers brought up their experiences with silent meditation during classes. There was something about the way they described it that intrigued me.
I signed up for Vipassana out of curiosity, especially since I had the luxury of time to do it. That was one of my best decisions ever.
It was a good thing I did not do much research into it beforehand. If I had known all the pains I would experience, I may not have done it. My ignorance was my blessing.
My experience
The experience is different for everyone. Here is what mine was like.
Day 0, the program is kicked off with a group meditation in the evening. In just 1 hour, I go from anxiously excited to a complete dismay with the onslaught of massive physical discomfort. Maybe I should have tried sitting on the floor for an hour before coming.
Day 1, one of my longest days ever.
At first, aches would pop up in small areas, and then gradually spread to cover my entire legs, hips, back, shoulders, and neck. My inflexibility seems to make everything worse. I fidget incessantly to fight the discomfort.
By the end of a one-hour session, I am reaching my pain threshold and mental tolerance capacity. I desperately stretch during a short break and am in fear as I prepare to sit again. This repeats eight times.
I immediately request a private consultation with the onsite assistant teacher and am encouraged to use the help of cushions (for meditation hall) and a chair (for in-room meditation) and keep trying.
All day long, all I can think of is how much pain I am in, how much time is left, and why I had to choose this torment during what is supposed to be an extended vacation. This is more like hell. But I tell myself things have to get better.
Day 2, already thinking about all the things I would do after the program including a desperately needed massage. I realize there is little free time if I want to eat, shower, and brush teeth.
I build a meticulous empire of cushions underneath me, but the discomfort is only marginally better.
By the time the 3:30pm session starts and I hear a recording saying “Start again”, I am almost in tears. I have already sat through 18 hours of misery since the start of the program, including 7 hours that day. The last thing I want to do, only 10 minutes after the previous session, is to sit for another hour.
My whole body is screaming, and my mind is rebelling. Minutes seem to stretch into eternity. It takes me every bit of my will power to stay in the room. But I stay, telling myself I will never get another chance to do something this crazy.
By evening discourse, I am completely worn out and struggle to stay awake. I find Mr. Goenka annoying as I blame him for all my pains.
By Day 3, I learn to fidget less through sheer will power. I start to notice that pains fade slightly if I focus on the area I am told to concentrate my mind on. I also notice a slightly quieter mind.
Lunch becomes my favorite time of the day (freshly prepared vegetarian meals, complete with a dessert!), despite the awkwardness of sitting with people that you can’t even make eye contact with.
The day remains excruciatingly long, and my pains start to return more quickly after breaks. By the last session ends at 9pm, all I want to do is to crawl into bed. Any bed will do.
Day 4, I am in horror as I silently stare at a sign that read it was Vipassana Day. I had gone through only the prep time.
I stop wearing a watch as it was adding to my misery.
During one meal around this time, I notice a woman sitting with her eyes closed, exuding pure serenity, with the most graceful smile on her face (she turned out to be a repeat student). Her image sticks to my mind.
That evening, Adhittana (strong determination) is introduced, meaning no more fidgeting during the three daily group sessions.
Day 5, I wake up to unwelcome residual aches. Things are not getting any easier.
It throws me off my body clock (I had learned to measure roughly how much time was left in a session by the level of pain and numbness).
I start panicking when the closing chant does not start on time by my internal measure. Did I miss a sign about a ten-minute extension? I begin to pant and sweat and grab onto my knees with all my might as if I would pass out otherwise. After what feels like an eternity, the chant does come, and I realize I did all that to myself.
Day 6, continued ups and downs, but mostly downs.
I start getting angry that things are not under my control. Maybe this does not work for me. But I remember Mr. Goenka discussing doubt as a powerful deterrent.
The discourses turn out to be spot on, and Mr. Goenka becomes more likable. His discussions are thorough and logical. I also find him credible as he was formerly a successful businessman who turned to Vipassana because of his migraine. He is not even Indian (OK, his heritage is) or Buddhist, which goes to show the all-inclusive nature of the practice. He is also quite hilarious and brings out my only laughter of the day.
Day 7, when asked by the assistant teacher how I was progressing towards equanimity (balance of mind) in the morning, I answer I feel very far away.
But later in the day, a small but definitive shift begins to take hold. The pain is still there (albeit a tiny bit less). But I am able to observe them more objectively and sit with more ease.
My mind’s dialogue went like this:
Before: “My entire back aches, and this stinks!”
Now: “There is a pronounced discomfort in my mid back and upper back. Now let’s move on to observe the other areas as instructed”.
The discourse that evening warns us that we are coming onto the last two days of serious work (Day 10 we start talking), and that we would undergo a ‘deep surgical operation’.
Day 8, I wake up to a dream of my late father and grandfather, both of whom passed away almost a decade ago. I am in a large kitchen with big pots filled with food, but the kitchen is so messy I struggle to put the plates together. I could tell they are both starving but patiently waiting.
About halfway through the first morning session, I have an outburst of tears. There was no trigger and no thoughts that came with it. I don’t feed any emotion and quietly observe the phenomenon, not having a clue as to why I was crying. I move only to blow my nose to breathe.
When I bow down at the end of the session, I am startled as drops fall out of my big turtleneck. My ‘deep surgical operation’ must have started.
Day 9, in my dream, my old boss tells me that all the female employees at the bank are going to get a big jump in income (and I won’t be part of it since I no longer worked there). I start defending my resignation but feel happy for my female colleagues.
Did I really just dream about money? Or was it a glimpse of what is being released from me? If it’s the former, more purification needed!
We are reminded it was the last day to work seriously. I naturally respond to the deadline and spend almost all of the sessions in the meditation hall.
My body starts to feel lighter, and I can detect subtle sensations even underneath the superficial aches.
Day 10, Noble Silence ends, and the transition back to the outer world begins. As I start chatting for the first time in 10 days, my body is overcome with a burst of heat and hunger. I find myself surrounded by an amazing group of super social people, who each fought her own fight. We are all ecstatic and share boundless happiness. I have never experienced so much concentrated positive energy in my life.
Day 11, one final meditation mixed with discourse. I can hardly contain my excitement to tell the world about this experience and share my new inner glow. We are discharged after breakfast, and our cell phones are returned.
Back in the real world
I went back to a yoga class with one of the teachers that had told me about Vipassana. Despite not moving for 11 days, I found improved flexibility, new strength underneath shaking muscles, and a much greater level of concentration. Something has opened up, and I have never felt this good in my body and mind before.
I could not thank the volunteer staffs enough as they worked day and night tirelessly to take care of our daily needs, shovel the snow, and light our way back to the dorm on icy evenings.
It was humbling to be completely at the charity of others. As mentioned, the program is funded by donations from past students who have benefited from it, and thus, you are inheriting good karma to start with.
Now the real test begins as to whether I can keep up this practice and spread my happiness. I realize it was only a small step that I took, but I know I am on the right path.
Thank you for reading this very long blog. I hope to have planted any amount of interest or awareness in you, since that was how it all began for me.
If you liked the story, please spread it. Vipassana is spread purely through word of mouth, carried on by sincere intentions.
“May all beings be happy.” – S.N. Goenka
Love & Peace,
StiffYogi
How clearly can you see the reality? (Kodaiji Temple illumination, Kyoto, Japan)
P.S. If you have any questions about my experience, please feel free to email me at stiffestyogi@gmail.com. Also, if you had the fortune to experience Vipassana yourself, I would love to hear about your experience!
P.P.S. The contact form (on the right) is finally working effective 1/31/17! Please re-submit any subscription request. Really sorry for the inconvenience, but this is a learning process for me. My next post will not be until the end of February at the earliest as I will be focused on doing the traveling part. Stay tuned for New Zealand and Australia stories to come!
I am one of the stiffest yogis you will ever meet.
Stiff in body and mind, on a journey to flexibility.
I have been practicing yoga for well over a decade, including almost daily for the past year. The desire to improve lifelong inflexibility, the appeal of physical challenge, and the stress of a finance job led me to seek relief in yoga. I even became a RYT200 certified yoga teacher in February 2016. Still, there are many poses I cannot come close to getting into, and the ones I can, I don’t look anything like the bendy yogis you would see on Instagram.
Despite my unyielding stiffness, I love yoga more than ever. Physically, it restores balance and keeps me fit and healthy. But more important is the psychological impact, providing insight into who I really am (by observing my mind and how I react to poses) and bringing out peace and gratitude that often get overshadowed by a louder cousin named stress (by reminding me of all the things I already have). It gives me broader perspectives and clarity and teaches me to focus on the present instead of brooding over the past or worrying about the future.
I was born and raised in Japan, where things like order and harmony among groups are valued above individuality and risk taking, and life-for-employment model still prevails. As a daughter of a typical Japanese salaryman, I moved with my family every few years, having to switch schools each time. Shortly after starting high school, my family underwent another routine rotation, except this time it was to New York. It was the best thing that had ever happened to me!
I loved the openness and freedom of the U.S. so much that when my family moved back to Japan, I stayed. I landed a job at a large bank out of college with my heart filled with excitement and optimism. Everything was fresh, and I felt fearless.
Then came all the grinding in Corporate America, slowly but surely, as I held onto the job day after day, year after year, which eventually stretched out to 16+ years. I had unwittingly become a slave to the job. I was complacent with the comfort and security I had built around myself, and paychecks had long taken over as my master.
It was not until my yoga teacher training I saw the gapbetween where I was and where I wanted to at least try to be. I noticed my adventurous spirit, long tucked away dormant and unacknowledged. But did I have enough courage and confidence in myself to leave my protective shell and leap into the unknown world? The only barrier was sheer fear.
The most valuable lesson I learned in my yoga teacher training was the philosophy of yoga, including how things like ego, refusal, attachment and fear distort our view (called avidiya in Sanskrit, ancient Indian language). In yoga, all sufferings in the world are said to be caused by not seeing things clearly. My teacher spent days discussing concepts like non-attachment (aparigraha) and compassion (ahimsa). It transformed my view.
In the fall of 2016, after particularly gruesome weeks at work, I resigned from my job to pursue two passions: travel and yoga. There is no telling how my journey will go. But my new definition of success includes failures as potential outcome, so long as I am giving my passion a chance to bloom and living in the present with no internal conflict. After all, if things don’t work out, I can always go back to my old corporate world (right?).
I now accept my physical inflexibility as part of who I am and welcome fearas an inevitable company to excitement. Through my blog, I hope to share my cultural and spiritual journey to come and spread my love of yoga, especially among those that may feel too intimidated to try. Yoga is for everyone, and possibilities are endless if you approach it with an open mind.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you.
Namaste,
StiffYogi
A lotus flower spreads out clean petals after emerging from muddy water, symbolizing purity. It is said to close its petals at night and reopens them each morning, marking a fresh start daily.
